0407 235 322 tamar@tamarbenhur.com


On A



How I became an expert on relationships and sexuality…

My Story

My work was born out of my own need to answer some burning questions; is it even possible for both partners to be actualised & content in a life-long relationship in today’s day & age? And if so, what does it take?

With divorce rates going up many now question the idea of life-long relationships and whether partnership for life is relevant in our modern age.

I wanted to learn if a couple can genuinely bridge discrepancy in needs, restore emotional connection and cultivate the skills for communication around areas of conflict like money, sex or parenting. How can a couple really move through trauma, loss, mental illness or addiction? Through betrayal, discuss or indifference? And can a couple still experience fulfilment and contentment, with each individual reaching their full potential, even in the face of these adversities?

Is this too much to expect? Is marriage an unnatural economic social or even romantic system which is not relevant to take with us into the future? Is it asking us to chop away too many valuable parts of ourselves in order for it to remain relevant?

I went on a journey of research, study & exploration which led me to the understanding that not only is it possible, for both partners to be meeting their fullest potential, but that they actually truly need each other, in order to do so.

I started my counselling practice mostly working with brilliant women who were motivated by what seemed to be a force within them to do inner work. I noticed that even though on the surface they had different life goals they wanted to achieve, what they really had in common was that they actually wanted it all ‘the whole package”.

But there was one thing they couldn’t do alone, and that was having all that and a satisfying loving intimate sexual long term relationship with their partner. For that, we need two to tango.

I found that many of my married clients were feeling stuck in their relationships. Like they were moving forward in so many aspects of their life, yet their relationship seeming not to evolve in the same way.


One client of mine describes “It’s as if my life has improved in so many ways but my relationship is still stuck in the dark ages. To be honest I would rather mop the floors than have sex with my husband” (Sara 37)

When I asked Sara if she and her husband have a loving relationship she said they did.

“He is my best friend and the best father I could ever ask for my children. It just feels like this whole ‘sex thing’ is constantly hovering over me like a shadow. I always feel guilty for not wanting it as much as he does. I can feel his vulnerability and I know I’m constantly rejecting him, I hate giving him mercy sex, and I know he hates it too. it’s like I need to choose between being honest with myself and suffer his frustration or doing it just to keep him happy and selling myself short. I’m afraid I can’t keep on doing this much longer”.

Sarah is not alone; many of my clients are struggling in the area of long term relationships. What she was describing was an underlying pain that was woven into her & her partner’s life leaving them feeling helpless, hopeless and very much alone. As a therapist, I could see my tendency to avoid that topic. Still, I also thought that I had to challenge the belief that working on her emotions would automatically transfer its results to her intimate sex life, her communication skills, and magically sort it out.

After twenty years of marriage and thousands of hours of counselling other couples, I have learned that although not all relationships need to go ‘forever’ at any cost, many of them don’t need to settle for less than a high functioning satisfying life together. I learned that frustration in a relationship is not always a dead end. It is more like a beginning. It’s an opportunity and a demand, to be honest about what’s not working and what we truly want.

Our relationships can bring us to our knees and transcend us to heaven. They can make us feel resentful and angry or hurt and rejected. Either way emotions like jealousy, competition, contempt, criticism, fear, grief, self-loathing and guilt can come up—Especially when there is an illness, a loss, betrayal, conflict and fighting. Areas like money, power, sex, distribution of labour, the discrepancy in needs and parenting differences can be fertile grounds for inner and relational work.

I practice couple therapy as a way to support couples to avoid escalating frustration, disappointment and pain. I would love for us to apply the same strategy we have on illness prevention and do the work and get educated before it is overdue, and becomes beyond repair. I work with couples that are willing to challenge their comfort zone, which most likely is extremely uncomfortable, and open themselves to give a chance for something new.

“Tamar created a safe space for us to move through our painful stuff and learn new ways to communicate and celebrate what we have” – Sherry & Max 

I realised how sensitive and private this topic is for all of us. And how extremely hard it may seem to find our voice and express our insecurities. But I can also see, time and time again how the right information can completely transform a relationship. Each relationship is unique and holds its history and the history of each partner, yet there are patterns to relationships.

I see many male partners eager to provide and how hard it is for so many of us women to receive. I can see how layers of anger reveal layers of shame and guilt and trauma, yet underneath is real and raw intimacy. It’s not the kind of intimacy you get by just talking; It has a new depth to it and the emergence of healing and pleasure.

Understanding how we operate as a couple completely rocked my world! On a personal and professional level. I feel so honoured to receive the trust my clients have in me, by allowing me to help them untangle and reconnect.

I can see how couples that are open to provide their relationship with the care and attention they would readily give any other aspect of their lives, to reeducate themselves and to explore the possibilities they inhabit safely, achieve a framework in which they can maintain their intimacy for a long life of love.

Thanks for reading my story.


My Mission

To empower and equip couple’s globally to create their own authentic lifestyle, where they can both equally reach their fullest potential, as friends, lovers, parents, artists, & entrepreneurs and to enable them to have a life-long-love relationship which will support their personal growth and wellbeing.

My Mission

To empower and equip couple’s globally to create their own authentic lifestyle, where they can both equally reach their fullest potential, as friends, lovers, parents, artists, & entrepreneurs and to enable them to have a life-long-love relationship which will support their personal growth and wellbeing.

Exclusive Couple Therapy & Relationship Insight From Tamar

Any questions you would like to know first-hand about how I may be able to contribute to the quality of your relationship? I would love to hear from you!