0407 235 322 tamar@tamarbenhur.com

Life – long – love relationships give us time. They provide us with a life time to exercise ourselves and to act out different parts of ourselves in various stages of inner growth. They give us a platform on which to dance and provide us with a mirror in which to reflect upon ourselves.

Relationships, especially life-long ones, provide us with an opportunity to continually recalibrate our point of view, to expand our self insights and what we believe about life. We try out, and we test, the waters of our capacity for freedom and dependency. We create the roots and pathways that bring us simultaneously closer to ourselves and to our beloved since we realise that we are one and the same.

Relationships and life-long-love are a worthy cause. Although we don’t receive degrees and accreditation and no one really calculates how much effort we have to put in and how hard it sometimes is. I believe that relationships exist in the crossing point between our human physical existence and our spiritual existence and therefore, they are the only thing that is ultimately real.

There is no one way to go about a relationship; actually, we can’t go wrong. The relationship simply is, no matter what we do or don’t do. The point of a relationship is always an opportunity to see parts of ourselves which are wanting acknowledgement through forgiveness or gratitude. We may think that relationships are about love, but ultimately they are about peace. And this peace is found within. It is an inner state of being. Love is a result of peace, not the other way round. We can’t chase love, nor can we create it, and it is not up to us to find. Love is the part that we receive after we have chosen peace.

I believe our job is to pursue peace. Peace is our mission. Love is our vision. Love is not up to us; it is just there. Even if not yet there for us to consciously feel. Our job is to create the conditions for love. To clear, to heal, to accept. How that looks for you will be different every time. Walk gently and trust your knowing. Learn to differentiate between the part that is serving you and the part that is sabotaging you. What you are looking for is inside you. Court it, devote yourself to it.

Realise that interdependency is one of life’s preconditions. We can’t make that go away. We need to find a way to deal with each other. To separate our fears and projections from our real longing to be cared for, cherished, valued and seen. To be seen not just by the other but by ourselves, whilst still being connected to the other. That for me is real freedom. Having it all without connection is missing the point.

It’s not easy, and there is no single moment when we can say we have arrived. How things look is not always an indication of how they indeed are on a deeper level. Stay humble because the wheel turns. One moment we are up, and one moment we are down. Yet always know that you are worthy of inner peace. Your desires and needs are innocent and legitimate, they point you to where you need to go, as long as you know first to find them within.